


i'm gonna love you through it | alemanda

by simplybgt



Category: Britain's Got Talent RPF
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-26
Updated: 2021-01-26
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 21,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29010165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplybgt/pseuds/simplybgt
Summary: Amanda Holden had a mammogram and the doctor found a lump in her breast tissue. When a man comes on the BGT stage in London and sings I'm Gonna Love You Through It by Martina McBride, Amanda runs off after the audition finishes.Alesha Dixon, the woman Amanda has has a crush on for years, follows after her. Amanda tells Alesha that she may have breast cancer. This makes Alesha realize that Amanda, her crush, might not have long to live since it had been known that women can die from breast cancer.
Relationships: Alesha Dixon/Amanda Holden, Simon Cowell/David Walliams
Comments: 3
Kudos: 1





	1. Context and Playlist

_Amanda Holden had a mammogram and the doctor found a lump in her breast tissue. When a man comes on the BGT stage in London and sings I'm Gonna Love You Through It by Martina McBride, Amanda runs off after the audition finishes._

_Alesha Dixon, the woman Amanda has a crush on for years, follows after her. Amanda tells Alesha that she may have breast cancer. This makes Alesha realize that Amanda, her crush, might not have long to live since it had been known that women can die from breast cancer._

_Alesha resolves to tell Amanda her feelings for the older woman but the problem is, if she said yes, how much time would they have as a couple since Amanda has breast cancer?_

Playlist: 

○ I'm Gonna Love You Through It   
_by Martina McBride_

○No Promises (acoustic)  
 _by Demi Lovato_

○Concentrate  
 _by Demi Lovato_

○Catch Me  
 _by Demi Lovato_

○Fight Song  
 _by_ _Rachel_ _Platten_

○Seasons of Love (Glee Cast Version)  
 _by Glee Cast_

○Home  
 _by Phillip Phillips_

○Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You)  
 _by_ _Kelly_ _Clarkson_

○Love So Soft  
 _by Kelly Clarkson_


	2. chapter one

**Amanda**

_**THE MAN CAME ONTO**_ the stage with his guitar. Both Alesha and I found that he was cute and both Alesha and David were fawning over him.

"What's your name?" Alesha asked the man. Alesha smiled and him and she looked gorgeous. I loved it whenever Alesha was smiling and laughing because it just improved on how beautiful she already was.

"Camden," the man replied, winking towards David. "But David can call me anything he would like."

I laughed and so did Alesha. I laughed because she had been fawning over a man that was gay and I had found him cute, thinking that he liked women.

"Are you married?" David asked cheekily.

"No, I am single, David," Camden replied just as cheekily as David had asked him the question.

"Perfect!" David declared, making Alesha laugh again and I laughed as well. We were making Simon roll his eyes which made it even more funny. David loved to annoy Simon to no end and it didn't help that they were always winding each other up so Alesha and I were laughing most of the time during audition filming for Britain's got Talent.

"Why? Are you interested, David? I can see Alesha looking at me with the same look as you, David," Camden cheekily spoke and Alesha blushed bright red.

"What are you going to be singing?" Simon interupped David from answering Camden's question.

"I'm Gonna Love You Through It by Martina McBride, Simon," Camden replied, putting his microphone into the stand in front of him on the stage.

"Start whenever you're ready. Good luck," Simon prompted.

"Thank you," Camden replied, picking his guitar up and positioning his fingers to play the song. He strummed a few chords and then began to sing in a rough sounding voice.

"She dropped the phone and burst into tears  
The doctor just confirmed her fears  
Her husband held it in and held her tight  
Cancer don’t discriminate or care if you’re just 38  
With three kids who need you in their lives  
He said, 'I know that you’re afraid and I am, too  
But you’ll never be alone, I promise you.'"

I had no one by my side when I found the lump on my breast and I only had my daughters, Lexi and Hollie. Only Lexi knew the gravity of the situation as to what the lump on my right breast meant.

"When you’re weak, I’ll be strong  
When you let go, I’ll hold on  
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes  
When you feel lost and scared to death  
Like you can’t take one more step  
Just take my hand, together we can do it  
I'm going to love you through it."

It felt like I was about to cry from Camden's song. It was hitting home for me and no one else on the panel knew why. I touched my face with one if my hands but felt nothing. I wasn't crying yet.

"She made it through the surgery fine  
But they had to take more than they planned  
Now it's forced smiles and baggy shirts  
To hide what the cancer took from her  
But she just wants to feel like a woman again."

When I brought a hand to my face again, I felt tears as Camden sang. I was crying and I knew why. There was a lump in my right breast and when I had gone for my mammogram, my doctor found it and they were doing a biopsy on it. I didn't know if I had breast cancer or not yet but I would likely need surgery to remove it.

"When you’re weak, I’ll be strong  
When you let go, I’ll hold on  
When you need to cry, I swear that I’ll be there to dry your eyes  
When you feel lost and scared to death  
Like you can’t take one more step  
Just take my hand, together we can do it  
I'm going to love you through it  
Oh baby  
Yeah."

I was bawling tears and both Simon and Alesha looked at me concerned. They didn't know why I was crying. I couldn't tell Alesha that I might have cancer. It would break her heart and I had a crush on her. I couldn't do that to her.

"And when this road gets too long  
I'll be the rock you lean on  
Just take my hand, together we can do it  
I'm going to love you through it  
I'm going to love you through it."

Alesha furrowed her brows at me and mouthed if I was alright. I didn't answer her and kept my mouth shut. I would tell her soon enough once I got the phone call from my doctor about the results from the biopsy on the lump. I only nodded my head when Simon asked if it was a yes or a no from me when we started to vote on Camden.

Simon spoke and told Camden he was through and I rushed to get up from my seat. I was really crying now and I couldn't get control of it. I ran up on of the aisles in between the rows of seats and ran out of the auditorium.

I ran into a hallway by the green room for us judges and sank against the wall, hugging my knees to my chest as the tears kept coming. I heard a person's footsteps near the hallway and then come into the hallway, slowing down as they reached me.

I didn't bring up my head from my knees so I didn't know who followed me. I noticed that I was already soaking my dress around my knees and I felt a person sit down next to me and pull me into a hug.

Feminine arms pulled me into the hug and rocked me, trying to comfort me.

It was Alesha that had followed me and she was trying to comfort me as she asked, "is everything okay, Mandy?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And welcome to my new fanfic you guys! I'll be updating this whenever I want which will probably be twice a week and I'll try to do Saturday and Monday for updates. I've been working on this for a week now and I'm not even done writing the chapters. There will be smut later on and I will not be warning you about it.
> 
> Thanks for reading and please tell me if you liked the chapter!


	3. chapter two

** Alesha **

_**I SAW AMANDA**_ _ **CRYING**_ as Camden sang Martina McBride's I'm Gonna Love You Through It and the song was affecting her. I had never seen Amanda break down like this and there had to be a reason as to why she was such a wreck.

When she got up from her seat beside me and ran out of the auditorium, I told Simon to call a break and that I was going to go after Amanda and try to comfort her and find out why she had been crying so hard.

I followed Amanda's light foot steps and turned down the same hallway that she ran down. She was sitting down at the end of the hall with her back against the wall and her knees pulled up to her chest. She didn't look up at me when I sat down beside her and pulled her into a hug, rocking her back and forth, trying to stop her crying.

"Is everything alright, Mandy?" I asked as I stopped rocking her.

Amanda hiccuped and answered, "no," and picked her head up from her knees which the cloth of her dress was now soaked with her tears. Amanda's eyes were already red from the tears that had been streaming down her face and still were.

"What's wrong, 'Manda?" I asked her, still holding my crush in my arms. I didn't picture the first time that I would hold Amanda that she would be bawling her eyes out and I would be trying to comfort her. I had thought that the first time I would hold Amanda in my arms would be on a date or after making love to her after a date.

"I don't want to tell you yet, Alesha," Amanda replied. "You'll be upset if I do."

"I promise that I won't be upset no matter what you tell me, Amanda," I spoke, trying to wipe away Amanda's tears with my finger as they trailed down her cheeks, slowing down somewhat from the speed that they had been coming before.

Amanda took a deep breath and she hiccuped again, trying to stop herself from crying as she spoke, "I may have breast cancer, Alesha."

"Breast cancer?" I asked, trying to hide my shock by I failed. She easily heard it. "How long ago did you find out that you may have breast cancer?"

"Last weekend after we got back from Birmingham auditions. I get the results from the biopsy the doctor took tomorrow," Amanda replied, wiping her tears away and leaning into me.

"Where is it in your breasts?" I asked. I didn't know that Amanda could have breast cancer so I figured out that that had been why she broke down crying with the auditionee's song. The song had been about a woman fighting breast cancer and Amanda could be fighting it.

"My right breast. I noticed it back in December but I haven't had time to go in for a mammogram until last week so if it's cancer, it may have spread since I didn't go to the doctor for a while," Amanda explained as her tears finally stopped.

"Do you want me to be with you when you find out tomorrow?" I asked, my eyebrows furrowing with worry.

"I'll call you with the results," Amanda replied as she leaned more into my arms. I welcomed her into them and held her close to my body. I didn't think that Amanda liked girls but she knew that I did.

I had come out to David, Simon, Ant, Dec, Stephen, and Amanda last year as being bisexual and that had prompted David to come out as pansexual himself. It had almost made me laugh that David came out although just about everyone had already figured out that David most likely liked men.

Amanda didn't know that I had a crush on her but I thought that right now it was obvious that I did from the way I was holding her in my arms.

"Have you told Hollie and Lexi yet that you may have breast cancer?" I asked, breaking the silence that we had lapsed into after Amanda had said that she would call me with the results of the biopsy.

"Lexi knew what it was and how serious the situation is but Hollie doesn't get it. She's too young to realize what it means because I could die from it if it's bad," Amanda replied. "I've already told their father."

"What has your ex said about you possibly having breast cancer, Mandy?" I asked in response.

"He told me that if it's cancer, he'll let the girls spend more time with me than with him because I don't know how long I would have to live if the cancer is bad," Amanda told me. "At least he and I are on speaking terms and he's being civil about it."

"Didn't Chris cheat on you and now he's married to the woman he cheated on you with?" I asked, referring to the scandal that Amanda's ex husband created two years ago when she caught him cheating on her and then divorced him because of it.

"Yes. The woman he married is actually very nice and it's clear that they love each other. I think Chris wants to have a child with his wife," Amanda replied, eagerly moving onto the new topic.

"So you have no one to really help you through this now," I said. "Should I be the one to stand by you because I'm your best friend?"

"Yes. I would love that if you did if I do have breast cancer," Amanda replied as she hugged me back. "This is why you're my best friend because of how supportive you are, Alesha. Look at how much you helped my ex and I out when I had just about died after I had Hollie and why you're my wifey."

 _I have to ask her to be my girlfriend_ , I thought as I continued to hold Amanda in my arms and she hugged me and then let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Finally an update but I have to make the author's note short because I have a load of homework that needs to be done by tomorrow. When do you think Alesha is going to ask Amanda to be her girlfriend, if she can work up the courage?
> 
> Thanks for reading this chapter and please comment on it! Bye until the next chapter!


	4. chapter three

** Amanda **

**_THE PHONE RANG LOUDLY_** through my house the next day. I had been dreading the call from the doctors' office because of what it could mean for me. It would determine if I had breast cancer or not and I was praying that I didn't have it.

I picked up the phone and answered the call. The results of the biopsy had been exactly what I had been dreading since I had first gone in for the mammogram after finding the lump in my right breast. It was cancerous and invasive.

The only choices that the doctor gave me as treatment was to let it kill me, have chemotherapy, or I could get a nipple sparing double mastectomy to get rid of the breast cancer. The risk of the cancer coming back if not in my right breast but in my left was high so I had decided before I had learned what I had was breast cancer, I would get both breasts completely removed and then go through a few rounds of chemo.

I couldn't imagine my daughters, Hollie and Lexi, living without me if I chose the first option. The second option I still had a risk that I would die of breast cancer and the third was the safest option for me. I had to pick the third treatment.

I told the doctor what we could do as my treatment and then hung up. I couldn't call Alesha yet, although I had promised her that I would call her as soon as I had gotten off the phone with the doctor about the result of the biopsy.

Tears were already welling up in my eyes as I put the phone back down in its stand. I sank into one of my kitchen table chairs at let the sobs overtake me. My body shook as I sobbed. It had sunk it that I had breast cancer and soon I would not have any breasts because that part of me would be removed in two weeks time.

I would lose my breasts to cancer. I would have lost something whether I picked another option and I could have lost my hair or have lost my life because I didn't want to fight the cancer. I didn't want it to consume my life and it already was.

Hollie and Lexi were over at their father's house so I couldn't even tell them what the doctor had said about the biopsy result. I didn't want to tell Alesha either because she would end up crying if I did tell her but she wanted to know the results. She wouldn't want to lose her best friend to breast cancer and Alesha was my crush.

I wanted to have a relationship with my crush before I died, if I was going to. It all depended on the mastectomy and the chemo I was going to have after the surgery to remove any cancer that was still in me that the surgeons didn't get.

I wasn't ready to lose my breasts and I didn't want to but I wanted to stay in the world for my daughters and for my crush, Alesha. I was determined to fight the cancer and I was determined to win, even if I didn't have someone there for me to hold me when I didn't want to deal with the world.

I wanted Alesha to be that person for me. I wanted her to hold me while I was going through treatment and I already knew that she would stay by my side the entire time. Alesha was a loyal friend and that was why she was my best friend. I resolved to ask Alesha to be my girlfriend and see what she would say but first I had to tell her that I had breast cancer.

I tried to wipe away my tears but they kept coming with no abandon. My tears were streaming down too heavily for me to get control over them and try to stop them. I buried my head in my hands and rocked back and forth in my chair, trying to recreate Alesha rocking me like she had been doing yesterday when I had told her that I could have breast cancer.

My way of coping wasn't working and the tears weren't slowing down at all. I needed Alesha to comfort me so I decided that I had to call her to ask her to come over to my house.

Alesha picked up her phone on the first ring as soon as I called her and she spoke, "hey, Mandy."

"Can you come over right now?" I asked in between heavy sobs. She could probably hear me crying and could probably deduce that I had breast cancer so that was why I was coming.

"I'll be at your house in fifteen," Alesha responded. "Do you need me to bring anything over with me? Ice cream?"

"No," I spoke on between hiccups and sobs. I probably sounded like a wreak over the phone to Alesha. "Just yourself."

"I'll see you in fifteen, Mandy. I'm leaving right now," Alesha said in the phone calmly.

"Thank you, Alesha," I whispered and then hung up. I buried my head back into my hands and I was still crying. Not even talking to Alesha for however brief it was had helped the tears to slow down.

I had to get ready for Alesha to come ovwr, which meant I had to get a grip on my emotions. I wipes away my tears and I was trying to force them to stop but they weren't. I went upstairs to my bedroom and laid on my bed, curled up into a ball.

I eventually got my tears to stop before Alesha arrived at my house to comfort me and so I could tell her that I was diagnosed. I rapidly washed my face but it was still flushed and my eyes were red from crying.

Although I had just about cried myself dry, I curled back up into a ball on my bed to wait for Alesha's arrival so I could tell her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I was so busy today at a church conference where I was a youth delegate and I had no time to do an author's note. I had a lot of fun at the conference and there was a lot of talking about lgbtq+ members of churches. It was amazing that there are churches that welcome people like me. The entire conference's theme was helping neighbours and that was why the stuff on lgbtq+ people was in it. It was amazing to see so much support!
> 
> I hoped that you like this chapter! What do you think Alesha is going to react like in the next chapter? Bye until the next chapter!


	5. chapter four

**Alesha**

**_MY_** ** _PHONE_** _ **RANG AND**_ Amanda's name showed up as who was calling.

I picked up the phone, saying, "hey, Mandy."

She responded by asking in between sobs, "can you over right now?"

Amanda must have received the diagnosis for the biopsy and it sounded like it was either really good or really bad. That meant Amanda either didn't have breast cancer or she did.

"I'll be at your house in fifteen," I replied. "Do you need me to bring anything over with me? Ice cream?"

"No," she spoke in between still heavy sobs. Amanda sounded like a wreak, leading me to think that the result of the biopsy was not good. "Just yourself."

"I'll see you in fifteen minutes, Mandy. I'm leaving right now," I said calmly, attempting to calm down Amanda's crying.

"Thank you, Alesha," she whispered and then hung up on the call.

I got my purse and got into my car as soon as I could after Amanda had hung up on our call. She obviously needed someone to comfort her right now and she wanted me to do it for her.

《h.d》

I got to Amanda's house in under fifteen minutes and knocked on the door. She didn't come to the door so I let myself in with the key Amanda had hidden underneath the potted plant by her front door. I looked around downstairs and I couldn't find her.

"Amanda?" I called out as I went up the stairs.

"In here," her hoarse voice answered from Amanda's bedroom. I opened the door and I saw Amanda curled up on her bed with her eyes closed.

Her face was red from crying and there were tear tracks on her face. I got onto Amanda's bed and pulled her into my lap.

"Let me guess, the result of the biopsy wasn't good," I said to her. Amanda opened her eyes and I saw how red they were from how much she had been crying. She nodded her head and I brought my body down over hers so I could hug her.

"It's cancerous and invasive," Amanda replied softly, tears starting to gather in her eyes again. I moved by body off of her's and she sat up.

"It's breast cancer," I spoke in shock softly. I swiftly hugged Amanda and she leaned into the hug so I held onto her. Amanda wrapped her hands around my back and they dangled against my back as she suck deeper into the hug.

"I have to get a nipple sparing double mastectomy in two weeks," Amanda announced as I continued to hug her. I rubbed her back, trying to comfort the blonde woman. "And then I have to get chemo."

My eyes widened at the announcement in shock. With the mastectomy, Amanda's chest would be flat without the presence of her breasts. I already knew that I would still have a crush on her no matter if she didn't have breasts or not.

"Do you want me to go with you when you go for the surgery as support?" I asked her, releasing Amanda from the hug I had been giving her.

"Yes. I want you and my daughters to be with me when I go in," Amanda replied, hastily wiping away a tear that had fallen. She looked down at her chest and tears started to fall. "I'm not going to have breasts in two weeks."

"Amanda, you can get reconstruction on them. It really doesn't matter if you have breasts or not," I spoke to her, trying to comfort her. _Or to me_ , I added mentally.

"Would you love me even if I was missing breasts, Alesha?" Amanda asked out of the blue, shocking me slightly. It was as if she had read my mind.

"As a best friend?" I replied cautiously. I didn't know what Amanda was going to say to me next.

"No, like romantically. I've had a crush on you for a while now," Amanda responded, squirming slightly on her side of the bed.

"Really?" I ventured to ask.

"Yeah. I think I'm in love with you, Alesha and I've felt that way since I first met you six years ago," Amanda replied and then added, "even while I was married I had romantic feelings for you."

"That's a long time for a crush," I spoke, still some what in shock over what Amanda had told me. I hadn't expected her to have a crush on me at all and she didn't know that I had a crush on her, though at some points, she probably suspected that I did.

Amanda even knew that I was bisexual because I had come out to David, Simon, and her two years ago. She knew that I liked girls and I tended to like petite girls like her.

Amanda was short and almost everything about her was petite. I knew that with many clothing brands she bought, she would have to buy petite clothes. She hadn't changed much after giving birth to her two daughters, Hollie and Lexi.

"Do you feel better after me comforting you, 'Manda?" I asked her as I brought her into another hug. The woman had come out to me as also loving girls and I knew how hard it was to come out of the closet to close friends.

"Yes, but would you spend the night in case I start crying again?" Amanda asked in response.

"I will. Just let me go home and grab some clothes," I replied as I let go of Amanda and got up from her bed.

"Okay. I'll see if I can find something for us to have as dinner," Amanda responded, shooing me out of her bedroom. I laughed as Amanda tried to push me out of the door way without success and I went downstairs.

Since I knew Amanda's feelings for me, I had to tell her mine but I wanted to tell her when we were going to bed. I knew that Amanda's house was small and she didn't have a guest room so it meant that I was sleeping in the same bed as Amanda.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's a new chapter and it's Alesha's point of view. What do you think is going to happen with them sleeping in the same bed and they both have crushes on each other? How do you think that is going to go over?
> 
> I'm currently at school right now and I'm writing this author's note just after my yoga class during school as enrichment. It felt so good and I find yoga really easy for me. Please comment what you loved about this chapter! Bye until the next chapter!


	6. chapter five

** Amanda **

**_I HAD DEFINITELY SHOCKED_** Alesha by coming out to her because I could see it on her face. She hadn't even been able to suspect that I was bisexual as well because I had hidden it from everyone.

Everyone didn't know that I was bisexual except for my ex husband, Chris, and now Alesha knew. I knew that it was a risk telling her that I had a crush on her but there are moments when I've thought that Alesha has romantic feelings for me.

I didn't want to push her to tell me that she had a crush, if she did have one so I didn't ask her if she was crushing on me. That was too personal to ask Alesha. She would tell me on her own time if she had a crush on me.

Alesha was going to be spending the night at my house because I knew that I would end up crying at some point tonight and I would need someone to comfort me. Alesha was the best at being able to comfort me because she knew me so well.

She had left a few minutes ago to go to her home and get pyjamas and clothes for tomorrow. I had told her that I would find something for us to eat but I had no idea what I could make for us. There was almost nothing in my refrigerator but things that I could make a pizza with.

I had a pre-made crust for pizza in the grain cupboard in my kitchen from when Hollie, Lexi, and I made pizza last week for dinner. I could make Alesha and I a pizza for dinner, I finally decided.

《h.d.》

I heard Alesha knocking at the door just after I put the pizza into the oven. I opened the door for her and I stepped aside so she could come in.

"I'm back. Sorry it took a little longer than I expected. I had to pick my daughter, Azura up from daycare and bring her to her father's house," Alesha apologized.

"Don't apologize, Alesha. That stuff can't be helped," I replied as Alesha came in and started to go upstairs with her backpack that held her clothes.

Alesha was in a similar situation that I was with our children. We weren't in relationships with their fathers and that made us both single mothers. We had often vented to each other about this situation, much to Simon and David's amusement but Simon could relate to it.

Simon had his son, Eric, and he was a single dad. Lauren had broken up with Simon shortly after she gave birth to their son and gave Simon full custody of Eric who had just been three months old at the time. Simon came to me for help with raising Eric because he didn't know how to be a parent at all. Eric had caught him by surprise and this was an even bigger surprise. Simon had to be taught how to do everything from how to feed Eric to how to potty train him.

Alesha now had to do that with her daughter, Azura but she had it harder. Azura was autistic and she didn't like change at all. Alesha was raising her daughter for two weeks out of the month by herself and then Azura went to her father's house for the rest of the month.

"I know," Alesha said. "What are we going to have for dinner?"

"Pizza. Do you want to watch a movie while we eat?" I asked as I went to the kitchen to start cleaning up the mess that I made while preparing the pizza to go into the oven.

"Sure. Should I pick one out then?" Alesha asked, poking her head through the doorway of the kitchen.

"Yeah. You can pick what ever you want to watch that I have," I replied, putting dishes into the dishwasher.

《h.d.》

"Amanda?" Alesha asked as we were getting into my bed later that night after the movie we had watched ended. "There's something I want to talk to you about."

"What is it that you want to talk about?" I replied as I climbed into bed and Alesha got in beside me, laying on her side.

"I want to talk to you about what you told me this afternoon," Alesha responded.

"My crush on you?" I asked, turning onto my side so I could face Alesha as we talked.

"Yes. That's exactly what I want to talk about and it's because," Alesha spoke and then paused before continuing, "because I've had the same feelings for you since we had a little snog on BGT for a viewer's question."

I knew that my eyes widened from shock. I hadn't expected Alesha to hold romantic feelings for me, much less have a crush on me.

"Have you really?" I asked in disbelief. This had been a fantasy of mine that Alesha would have a crush on me while I had a crush on her.

"Yes so there's something that I want to ask you," Alesha spoke.

"I want to ask you something too," I replied.

"We should say what we want to ask each other at the same time," Alesha said. "On three."

She counted and we said in unison, "would you be my-my g-girlfriend?"

Alesha laughed and replied, "yes, 'Manda, I would love to be your girlfriend."

I grinned at my new girlfriend. I had already gotten her in my bed, not that it had taken much to do but we had done this before. We had slept in the same bed with each other during an audition city each year because we liked each other's company.

"What are you grinning at, Mandy?" Alesha asked, chuckling a bit.

"You," I replied, turning onto my side and Alesha moved closer to me so we were spooning. She kissed my cheek and I quickly was able to fall asleep as Alesha held me in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! How sweet was this chapter?! I had so much fun writing this chapter because of the fluff in it. I almost forgot to update IGLYTI today because I'm trying to figure out the last chapter which I'm writing right now. And I'm also working on a damon fanfic that's entirely all songfics for the chapters.
> 
> I've got the first chapter written and I'm going to write the second tonight and finish the last chapter of IGLYTI. I'll publish the context and I'll post the cover here! Bye until the next chapter!


	7. chapter six

** Alesha **

**_AMANDA AND I WENT_** on our first date a week after I spent the night at her house after she told me that she did have breast cancer. And now she was laying in my bed, waiting for me to get in after our first date.

I got into bed and put my arm around Amanda's body, resting it on on her stomach and I kissed her cheek. She turned around and grinned at me before she kissed me on the lips.

I kissed back and pulled her closer to me to make our bodies touch.

"I had a lot of fun tonight," Amanda told me as she continued to kiss me almost passionately.

"So did I but tonight isn't over yet," I replied, kissing my girlfriend back just as passionately.

"Wh-?" Amanda started to say before she blushed, realizing what I implied. "You want us to shag?"

"Not quite shag. More like make love to you, Mandy," I responded, beginning to snog Amanda deeper. She brought one of my arms around her waist and arched her back as we continued to snog deeply. Amanda shifted her position to laying on her back and pulled me on top of her.

"We can do that," Amanda spoke. "I'll make love to you, Alesha, but how are we going to do it?"

"You haven't ever been with a woman, have you, 'Manda?" I replied, asking her a question in turn. She shook her head no, which prompted me to say, "we can use our fingers, our tongues, or we can use sex toys like a vibrator and a strap-on."

"Can we try all of them?" Amanda asked me, blushing a scarlet red as she snogged me.

"Yes, we can but we can save the tongues for the morning if you want to make love then as well," I replied. I snogged Amanda back and deepened it so our tongues were in each other's mouths. Amanda moaned into the kiss and brought my hands to the hem of her pyjama shirt.

I broke off our kiss and took the pyjama shirt off of her to see that she wasn't wearing a bra underneath it. Amanda's breasts were bigger than mine by a full cup size and she already looked absolutely beautiful laying half naked in my bed.

"They're a little small," Amanda commented, bringing a hand to her left breast.

"No they aren't. Your breasts are perfect, just like you," I replied, taking my own shirt off. Amanda looked at the naked upper half of my body and I knew that she was looking right at my breasts. "Do you like what you see, Mandy?"

She chuckled and answered, "yes, I do."

Amanda brought one of my hands to her breast and put it on it. I took the message and began to rub circles with my thumb on her nipples, making Amanda moan softly.

I kissed Amanda again and I let the kiss trail down to her collar bone and looked at Amanda for permission. She nodded and I began to kiss her collar bone and nip at the skin, leaving hickeys all over it. Amanda moaned again from my touch and biting.

I felt Amanda's legs move and she was kicking off her pyjama pants and knickers already. I rubbed Amanda's nipple faster, already knowing that it pleasured her and she moaned louder.

I stopped suddenly, making Amanda frown at me and say, "why'd you stop?"

"I want some pleasure before we start making love, Mandy," I replied, continuing, "and you're the only woman that can give it to me."

Amanda blushed and she got me off of her and got on top of me. She started doing the exact same thing I had been doing to her but she was biting at my skin a little more passionately than I had at her's. I moaned with pleasure and Amanda took one of her hands and brought it down my pyjama pants and knickers to touch my vagina.

I moaned at her touch and she dipped a finger into me and began to pump it rapidly, making me bite back cries of pleasure. She kissed my breasts and started to lick my nipples while she slowed down pumping her finger inside of me. I moaned again and this drew a smile out of Amanda.

"Where is the vibrator and strap-on?" She asked me.

"Bottom drawer of my nightstand," I replied breathlessly. Amanda took her finger out of me, giving me the opportunity to take off my pyjama pants and knickers so I was completely naked as Amanda got out of bed and got out the vibrator and strap-on.

"Will you use the strap-on on me and use the vibrator for yourself?" She asked curiously. I nodded and she gave me the sex toys.

Amanda got back into bed while I slid the vibrator into myself and turned it on, letting out a quiet moan as I put on the strap-on. Amanda reached in between my legs and turned the vibrator onto a higher setting and I moaned louder. She laid back down and spread her legs for me.

There was Amanda Holden naked in my bed with her legs spread apart, waiting for me to thrust into her with the strap-on. This had been one of my fantasies for years and now it was really happening.

"I'm ready," she spoke and I guided the cock part of the strap-on to her vagina and teased her with it. Amanda moaned and squirmed, trying to get herself onto the strap-on. I chuckled slightly at her actions and brought my hands back to her breasts.

I rubbed circles on both of her nipples, thus making Amanda moan with pleasure and arch her back but I wasn't giving her the one thing she wanted yet.

"Stop teasing me, please, 'Lesha," Amanda begged me.

I thrusted into her with the strap-on slowly, both of us letting out loud moans. Me from the vibrator in me and Amanda from me entering her finally. I was finally making love to my girlfriend for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's a new chapter! Finally some alemanda smut is in this! I will definitely mention that they have had a lot of sex in coming chapters and there will be a smut scene towards the end of the book. I hope that you guys really liked this chapter!
> 
> I've been working so much on Symphony lately and I'm publishing a smut scene today as a chapter. Today has just been filled with me publishing my smut! What do you think is going to happen next? Bye until the next chapter!


	8. chapter seven

** Amanda **

**_I WOKE UP_** _ **WITH**_ my head on Alesha's bare chest. We had made love for the first time and had done it until the middle of the night when I became too tired to do anything but kiss Alesha so that was when we went to sleep. It had been the best date I had gone on in years and we had finished it by making love to each other, thus I made love to another woman for the first time ever.

I felt a kiss on my forehead and looked up to see that Alesha was awake.

"Morning, babe," she said.

"Morning. Babe?" I asked her, arching an eyebrow at her.

"Yes. I figured I would give you a pet name," Alesha replied, kissing my forehead again. "How much longer do we have to stay in bed until we have to get ready for deliberations?"

"We have to get ready now," I responded to her question. "Are we going to tell Simon and David about us and my breast cancer?"

"We can and if you want to," Alesha replied.

I pushed the covers off of us and I got out of bed. My wrists and in between my legs were sore because of how long we had been making love last night. Alesha stayed in bed and watched me go into her bathroom.

We had to get ready for deliberations for BGT this year and Alesha and I had woken up a little bit late so I was forced to rush. I turned on the shower and stepped into it when it was warm, quickly washing my body and my hair.

I got out of the shower and saw Alesha in the bathroom. She was waiting for me to get out so she could get in.

"Towel?" Alesha asked, handing me a large towel and I wrapped it underneath my armpits.

"Thank you," I replied, giving her a quick peck as my girlfriend got into the shower. Alesha had gotten out her blow dryer and a curling wand for me to use.

I picked up the blow dryer and turned it on. I used Alesha's hairbrush and dried my hair using the blow dryer. As soon as my hair was dry, I began to curl it using the curling wand. Alesha knew that I loved having my hair curled if it was at my shoulders and that I loved having it straight when I had extensions in.

Alesha had chosen to let her hair be completely natural this year so it was curly mess if she didn't brush it out completely, which she tended to do for BGT because she loved to look of it.

When Alesha was doing her hair, I got dressed so I was ready before Alesha was.

《h.d.》

Simon picked Alesha and I up at her house and he didn't question that I had been at her house. Instead, it was David that questioned us because he had already been picked up by Simon.

"Why were you at Alesha's house, Amanda?" He asked, turning around in the passenger seat so he could face us.

"Umm," I paused, looking at Alesha for help. She nodded that we should tell them so I said, "Alesha's my girlfriend so I spent the night at her house."

"Girlfriend? Are you two dating finally?" Simon asked, chuckling as he drove.

"Yes and what do you mean finally?" I responded.

"It was obvious that you have crushes on each other, Mandy! Simon and I were waiting to see how long it would take you two to date," David replied.

"So how long have you been dating?" Simon interjected.

"We've been dating for a week," Alesha replied. "We started to date the day that Amanda found out..." She trailed off, leaving me to complete the sentence.

"Ever since I was diagnosed with breast cancer," I finished.

"When did you first think that you have breast cancer?" David asked me.

"Ever since January but I was too busy to go in to have the lump in my right breast checked by a doctor," I replied. "And I found out that it was cancer last week."

"A nipple sparing double mastectomy if they can save my nipples and then a few rounds of chemotherapy," I answered him.

《h.d.》

Deliberations had gone well, though we disagreed on a few acts that we couldn't decide as a group that should go through to the live shows in June.

We agreed to not put the acts through because there had been better ones than them. We told the acts if they were through or not, the one part that I hated to do.

I hated telling people that were good that they wouldn't be going through to the live shows and Alesha hated it as well. We loved saying yes to those that were amazing because of their reactions and Simon loved to tease them by stalling telling them that they were though and sounding like the acts weren't.

Alesha and I left deliberations both feeling happy because we had told Simon and David about us and I had told them about my cancer. I had been dreading telling them that I had breast cancer but it had went well. I figured at least one of them would tear up about it but neither man did.

I told them when I was getting the nipple saving mastectomy which was at the end of the week when Alesha and I had been dating for two weeks. Our daughters would be home from their father's houses and would be accompanying us to the hospital on the day of the surgery.

I hadn't let Alesha know how nervous I was about getting such a major surgery and I was going to lose a part of myself. I was going to lose the part of me that helped me to feel like a woman.I knew that Alesha would be by my side the entire time so that made me a little less nervous.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm at a spaghetti dinner for my school's band and chorus. This is like the only time I have to be able to put up a new chapter today. We have been blasting songs and singing along earlier.
> 
> So how do you think Amanda's mastomecty is going to go? How do you think she and Alesha are going to react to it? Please tell me if you liked this chapter! Bye until the next chapter!


	9. chapter eight

**Alesha**

**_AMANDA_** ** _WAS GOING_** _ **TO**_ have her mastomecty this afternoon and I was nervous for her. I didn't know how much they were planning to take but last night Amanda had told me that they only planned to take the lump out and then remove the breast tissue of her other breast because if the chance that the cancer could come back within five years.

She didn't want to take that risk so she was having both sets of breast tissue removed but the doctors were going to try to save her nipples and the milk ducts if they could.

Amanda had gone into the operating room five minutes ago and Hollie, Lexi, and Azura were with me. Lexi was a natural with helping me to take care of Azura and keeping her from running around the family waiting room. Hollie was sitting in my lap, hugging me tightly.

"Is my mummy going to be okay?" She asked me, looking up at me.

"Yes, she is going to be okay after this, Hollie, but she has to get special medicine after the surgery to make sure all of her cancer is gone," I replied, hugging the little girl back. She was practically trembling with nervousness for her mother and she couldn't help it. Hollie was extremely close to her mother and she had taken it the hardest when Amanda and I told the girls about Amanda's breast cancer.

"What's mum going to look like after the surgery?" Lexi asked me as she got Azura to sit down to play with her beads.

My daughter, Azura, loved all types of beads and buttons. Anything that was small enough to fit in her hand and she could count. It was the first thing that I had noticed before she had been diagnosed with autism. I had looked up the symptoms when Azura was about the age of two and I had noticed that she had most of them but her doctor was saying that she didn't and wouldn't test her for it. I eventually went to another doctor and he had said that Azura had autism.

"I don't know. I think she's mostly going to be more flat than me on her chest but she's going to have tubes coming out of her sides," I replied to Lexi. I poked fun at how small my own breasts were and that made Lexi laugh. Her chest was already bigger than mine and she was already nearing the size of her mum so she knew that if Amanda was going to be flat, then she was flatter than me.

"Are you nervous about what mum is going to look like, Alesha?" Lexi asked me as she got down from her chair and started to help Azura sort her beads.

"A little. She is my girlfriend after all," I responded. Amanda and I told the girls and Azura about us dating yesterday and it had gone well. Hollie loved that I was dating Amanda and she had been cuddling up to me last night while I was trying to help Amanda get our daughters to bed.

"Why did you start dating mummy?" Hoilie asked. I hadn't been asked this question when Simon and David were questioning Amanda and I about us dating while we were going to deliberations.

"Because I have a crush on her and she has a crush on me. I was falling in love with your mummy and I still am. Just don't tell her that yet. I want to tell her myself," I replied. I really was falling hard for Amanda and it was showing each day because we were making love to each other everyday while our children were at school and it showed last night because I had been even more loving to Amanda in bed.

She and her girls spent the night at my house because that was were Amanda was going to recover because of how much help Amanda was going to need. She wouldn't be able to wash her hair by herself, she wouldn't be able to cook much, she would need someone to help her get dressed and there was only so much that Lexi and Hollie could do for her. I was going to be doing the things that Hollie and Lexi couldn't do for Amanda.

One of the surgeons came out of the operating room and motioned for me to speak with him. I got Hollie off of my lap and I followed him out into the hallway.

"Is something wrong?" I asked, starting to worry.

"Yes. The cancer is worse than what we thought. It's spread more than what we had anticipated so we have to remove Amanda's milk ducts and her nipples for the best chance of the cancer being gone," the surgeon replied. "It has been going well though so far and when Amanda comes out, please try not to shock her by staring at her chest when she's in recovery."

"I'll try and I'll tell the girls not to," I responded.

"We have to take more than what we initially planned so the double mastectomy will take longer than anticipated," the doctor told me before he walked back into the operating room.

"Thank you for telling me," I replied as I walked back to the family waiting room. Now I had to tell the girls that the doctors had to take more than what they planned for Amanda.

"Hollie, Lexi, the doctor just told me something that I want you to hear," I spoke to the girls.

"What is it?" Lexi asked me as they both looked at me with curiosity.

"The doctors have to take more than what they've planned so your mum's chest is going to be flatter than what it would have been. The doctor has asked us not to stare at it when Amanda comes out and she's in recovery," I announced.

Amanda was going to be flatter than what any of us had expected, especially her. Amanda had gone into the mastomecty thinking that she would still have a little of her breast but now she wasn't going to have anything left except for the skin on them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I might be getting my own laptop so I could be able to write my fanfics if I get it. I have it in my backpack today because I've been carrying it around for my friend who is trying to sell it so that means I get to work on my novel for NaNoWriMo today.
> 
> What do you think Amanda's reaction is going to be when she sees her chest and when Alesha sees it? What did you guys like about this chapter? Thanks for reading and please comment what you loved. Bye until the next chapter!


	10. chapter nine

** Amanda **

_**IT HAD BEEN THREE**_ days since the double mastectomy and Alesha told me that the doctors had to take more than what they had planned. I hadn't even seen what my chest looked like yet because it had been swollen since the surgery. Today would be the day that Alesha and I could actually see what my chest would look like because the swelling had gone down so much.

I had been wearing a compression bandage underneath one of the tops that they gave me that was able to hold the tubing coming out of the sides of where my breasts had been. It was changed everyday but the amount of swelling prevented Alesha and I from seeing how flat my chest truly was.

I still had pain at where the insisions were and Alesha was spending as much time as she could with me right now while trying to take care of her own daughter and my two daughters. Alesha was trying to figure out ways for us to cuddle without it causing pain for me and it be awkward positioning for her. I was still in a lot of pain from the mastomecty and I hated it.

Alesha finally came into my room and she got right into my bed with me.

"Ready to see what you're going to look like flatter than me?" Alesha asked me. She tried to add humour in by making fun of her own breasts. I would have had at least A-cups if the doctors had been able to save my nipples and my milk ducts.

"Yes but I'm scared to see it," I replied, leaning my head onto Alesha's shoulder. This was currently the most comfortable position for Alesha and I to cuddle while I was in pain and we would have to adjust when I got to go home today.

"Don't be scared, Amanda. I'm still going to have a crush on you even if your chest is a little ugly right now and it's only going to be like that until it heals all the way," Alesha told me and she kissed my head. "Do you want me to call the nurse to get the bandage changed so we can get ready to go home?"

I nodded my head to answer her question and pressed the button to call a nurse into my room.

《h.d.》

There were angry red lines across where my breasts had been. These were the scars left behind from the mastectomy and it was the first time that I allowed Alesha to see them.

The sight of the scars made Alesha break down crying into my arms and when I saw how flat my chest was, I started to cry as well. Alesha had told me how much the doctors had to take, including the amount they hadn't planned on but it still shocked me. I hadn't thought that I would be so flat. The nurse then gave me the dressing for the surgery wound that I would wear at home and left Alesha and I alone.

I already knew how to fill up the expanders that were placed where my breasts had been so a nurse didn't have to show me how. The expanders would be for stretching the skin of my chest to allow breast implants to be put in when I would get reconstruction done after the final of _Britain's got Talent_. I was told to only put the water into the expanders after my first doctors visit, when I would also be getting my first round of chemotherapy at the hospital.

"Are you ready to go home now, babe?" Alesha inquired after we had both dried each other's tears. "The kids will be home from school soon."

"Yes. I want to go home and sleep in our bed," I replied.

《h.d.》

Azura, Hollie, and Lexi came running into Alesha and I's bedroom a couple of minutes after they had gotten home, dropped their bags in the entry hallway, and questioned Alesha to where I was.

"Mum! You're home!" Lexi exclaimed when she saw me resting in bed.

"Come here. Let me hug you all," I replied, reaching my arms out for the girls. Azura and Hollie climbed onto bed and waited for me to hug Lexi gently first so I could hold them in my arms.

Hollie put her head onto my stomach and spoke, "I missed you, mummy. 'Lesha wouldn't let me do this to her."

"Why not?" I asked, although I already knew the answer. Alesha's stomach wasn't flat and she didn't like that although it came from her being a mother. She didn't like anyone but me touching her there.

"She didn't say," Hollie replied as Azura put her head on my shoulder, blocking almost all movement of my left arm. Azura smiled when I let her stay on my shoulder although it did pain me a bit but not enough to ask her to get off.

"Doesn't that hurt, mum?" Lexi asked me, indicating Azura's small head on my shoulder.

"A little but not much now. I've got pain medication that I can take if I'm in too much pain," I replied to Lexi. "She's fine where she is. You used to do the same thing when you were Azura's age."

"Really?" Lexi asked as she got into the bed and she sat criss-crossed next to Azura.

"Yes, you did," I responded.

Alesha came upstairs and looked in our bedroom, leaning against the doorframe and said, "time to let Amanda rest, girls. She needs it right now."

Azura hugged me again as did Lexi and Hollie. I hugged each one of them back and after they left the room, I motioned for Alesha to get in bed with me.

"Do you want to cuddle?" I asked her.

"If it isn't too painful for you," Alesha replied, laying on her side and bringing my arm around her and let it rest against the top of her stomach, just underneath her breasts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! How did you like the fluff at the end of this chapter? There's going to be a lot of fluff in this fanfic because Alesha and Amanda's irl relationship is really fluffy.
> 
> I hope that you guys liked this chapter! Please tell me what you loved about this chapter because it really helps me. Bye until the next chapter!


	11. chapter ten

** Alesha **

_**DAVID AND SIMON WERE**_ going to visit our house today to see Amanda and I had come up with an idea for something like a tribute for Amanda. I wanted to discuss it over with them and get both of the men on board with doing it for her.

I wanted to make a video of Amanda's journey with breast cancer and have it shown at the final. I had already gotten some pictures and video done for it and waiting to be put it but Simon would have to agree to the idea and get a video editor on the BGT to make it. The video would be shown during the final, which would also be when Amanda and I would tell the public about us.

Only our parents, David, Simon, and our children knew that we were dating. Amanda hadn't come out to the public yet as being bisexual but I already had. We both wanted to out to the public as a couple but it wasn't the right time yet.

Simon and David came over to see Amanda and I the afternoon after Amanda and I got back from her first round of chemotherapy and the first doctor's appointment at the hospital a couple of days prior. Amanda grinned as soon as she saw them both come in to the living room where she was laying on the couch.

"Hey. How have you been feeling, Mandy?" Simon asked as he sat down in a chair opposite from the couch. I sat down beside Amanda laying on the couch as there was just enough room for me to be next to her.

"Better but I still feel like crap," she replied. "I had the first round of chemo three days ago."

"And the next round is next week," I added.

"How many rounds do you have to do?" David asked Amanda.

"Five," Amanda responded, "and then we can start to think about reconstruction for this."

Amanda gestured to her flat chest and both David and Simon looked down in shock. Amanda had put a blanket over herself to hide the fact she was so flat but she had pushed it down. David and Simon hadn't noticed her chest until she had pushed the blanket down and gestured to it.

"Aren't you supposed to still have small bumps left where your breasts where before the mastectomy?" Simon asked bluntly. He was in the same amount of shock that I had been when the nurse had taken off the compression bandage around her chest and we had seen how flat Amanda was.

"I was going to still have some of my breasts left but the doctors had to take more than what they had planned originally," Amanda replied. "Alesha and I were both shocked when the swelling went down."

"How bad has the pain been?" David asked, his eyes looking at Amanda's chest and then flicked up to look at her.

"Not too bad but painful enough for me to take medication and it's prevented cuddling," Amanda replied, chuckling at the end of her sentence.

"How mad did that make you, Alesha, that you couldn't cuddle Amanda?" David asked, laughing.

"Extremely but I knew why she was in pain so we've already found ways that we can cuddle comfortably," I responded.

《h.d.》

Cuddling was difficult for us at night because Amanda couldn't lay on her side like she normally did, making us unable to spoon. I usually now put my head onto Amanda's shoulder while I laid on my side and she would put an arm around my body. Amanda frequently kissed my forehead while we were in this position and that was how we were now laying.

"When can we make love again?" I asked Amanda as she moved a piece of hair out of my face to behind my ear.

"When I get cleared by the doctor," Amanda responsed, placing a kiss on my forehead. "Why?"

"Because I want to be able to make love to you again," I replied.

"Is it because I keep getting you horny when we snog?" Amanda asked me, worry filling her brown eyes.

"A little but I know that you get horny too when we snog," I responded, lifting my head from Amanda's shoulder and kissing her lips gently and then putting my head back onto her shoulder.

"How do you know that I get horny when we snog?" Amanda asked incredulously, a slight blush starting to tint her cheeks.

"I'm your girlfriend. I notice when you get horny. You squirm when you get horny, babe," I replied as I smirked at Amanda. She blushed a deeper red and began to laugh.

Amanda protested, still laughing, "I don't squirm that much!"

"Yes, you do, babe," I replied, bringing my hands to Amanda's sides and began to tickle her. Amanda laughed and squirmed, trying to get away from me tickling her. "You squirm that much when you get horny, babe!" I said, starting to laugh.

"I c-can't b-reathe!" Amanda laughed out as she tried to remove my hands from tickling her sides. The only way that she could retaliate was by tickling me and so she did.

I started to laugh at Amanda's tickling and she started to tickle my stomach. The one.place where I was the most ticklish other than the back of my knees. Amanda started to crack up at my laughter and she cackled.

"Stop it!" I laughed as Amanda tickled me.

"I'm not going to stop!" Amanda replied, tickling me even harder so I couldn't breathe from laughing so hard.

"I c-can't b-breathe!" I laughed so Amanda finally stopped tickling me. My sides hurt from laughing and I was sure Amanda's were too. We hadn't laughed that hard since the BGT auditions, back before Amanda had the double mastectomy.

We got back into the same position that were we laying in and I felt Amanda's steady breathing as she fell asleep a couple of minutes later.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I now can use my chromebook so I can write on that. I've been working so hard on Just a Dream for NaNoWriMo but I haven't got to work on it yet today except for finishing a chapter for the sequel that I'm working into the first book.
> 
> That probably makes no sense at all to you guys but it makes sense in my mind. Thank for reading and what did you love about this chapter? Bye until the next chapter!


	12. chapter eleven

** Amanda **

_**"ALESHA, WE NEED TAMPONS!"**_ I yelled from the downstairs bathroom, trying to find a tampon for myself. "All we have are pads!"

"I'll pick some up then! Use a pad for now!" Alesha responded and she knocked on the bathroom door. "Same brand as the one that was in here?"

"Please," I replied. "Those ones are more comfortable than the ones upstairs."

"Do you want chocolate too?" She asked, most likely trying not to laugh outside of the bathroom door.

"Yes, please," I answered and took out a pad. Alesha knew that I loved chocolate, especially on my period but now we were both craving chocolate at similar times so that meant we were buying double the amount of chocolate. Alesha and I's cycles had already synched so she would get her period in a couple of days or so because I had gotten mine. This was a bit of a problem because we were using a box of tampons per a period because we went through half a box when we had both been single.

"Do you want to come with?" Alesha asked, her voice becoming further away from the bathroom.

"No, I'd rather stay here."

《h.d.》

Alesha left the house a couple of minutes later, leaving me alone. Azura, Hollie, and Lexi were all at school and I was now by myself.

I went upstairs to the bedroom that Alesha and I shared. I stood in front of the mirror by the vanity that was next to the closet door. I took off my shirt and I saw the still red scars where my nipples had been.

There was nothing there now but two long, red scars and I hated it. I didn't feel like a woman at all because I was missing my breasts. I couldn't go on the live show for BGT with a flat chest although I had told the public on my Twitter that I had breast cancer and I was going to have the mastectomy.

I lowered my head and the tears began to flow. I hated how I looked now and there was nothing that I could do yet to fix it. The reconstruction for my breasts wouldn't be until the second week of June. I had to wear baggy shirts to hide the fact that I was so flat.

The tears started to flow faster and I sat down on the hardwood floor, still in front of the mirror. I picked my shirt back up from where I had dropped it and put it back on. I didn't know why I had bothered to look at what my breasts looked like even though I had known that I would hate it. I wiped away my tears but they kept coming from my eyes quickly.

If I showed Alesha what my body looked like now, I didn't know how she would react to it or if she even would still have a crush on me.

《h.d.》

The front door slammed shut, announcing Alesha's return with the tampons and chocolate that she had bought for me. Alesha didn't come upstairs for a couple of minutes, trying to search for me downstairs. I wiped the last of my tears but my face was ruddy from crying.

Alesha came upstairs and she came into our room, seeing me sitting on the floor, in front of the mirror.

"Amanda," she spoke comfortingly and knelt down next to me to pull me into her arms. "Why were you crying?"

"I saw the scars," I replied softly. "Why do I have to be so flat, Alesha?"

"Because the double mastectomy got rid of the cancer and you've finished the rounds of chemo," Alesha responded, pulling me into her arms and kissing my cheek.

"My chest is hideous now," I announced quietly, the tears starting to flow again.

"No it isn't, babe. It shows what you've gone through. You're a trooper, Mandy," Alesha spoke.

"I don't feel like a woman anymore," I said to her as she kissed my cheek again.

"Because you had to lose your breasts?" Alesha asked in reply as she dried away my tears.

"Yes. That's why I've been wearing those baggy shirts," I told her. "I want my breasts back."

"I know that you do but we have to do the expanders first," Alesha replied, lowering her head to nuzzle my neck.

"I don't want to wait until June to have breasts though," I protested. "I want them now."

"June isn't that far way, babe. It's already late April," Alesha replied as she brought her head back up to kiss my lips.

"Do you still have a crush on me even though I look like this now?" I blurted out after I kissed Alesha back on the lips.

"Yes, I do still have a massive crush on you, Amanda," Alesha responded. "Even if you don't have any breasts."

"I was cleared to make love at the last doctors appointment," I announced shyly.

"That's amazing!" Alesha exclaimed. "I am going to treat you like a goddess because of what you've gone through recently when we make love for the first time since the mastectomy."

"I'm not worth being treated like a goddess, baby. You don't have to do that," I responded.

"I'm going to do it still, babe," Alesha said, her face becoming determined.

"Can we wait until I'm ready do make love again?" I asked her.

"Yes. If you want to wait a little while," Alesha replied, kissing my cheek again. "I would be willing to wait for you to be ready."

"Thank you," I responded and I kissed Alesha's lips while she let me go and I leaned into her. "Can we snog and get undressed and cuddle?"

"Of course we can, Amanda," she said in response, leaning down to kiss my lips again. I kissed her back and she helped me to get up and lay down on our bed.

"Are you ready to snog?" I asked her, smirking a little bit as Alesha got onto the bed and straddled my waist.

"What do you think?" Alesha retorted and kissed me once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A chapter with this much emotion in it needs a happy end to the chapter. What do you think of Amanda's reaction to her body as it is now? And what do you think of Alesha's reaction to seeing that Amanda had been crying while she was gone?
> 
> I hope that you guys liked this chapter. What was your favorite part and what did you love about it? Thanks for reading and please tell me what you think! Bye until the next chapter!


	13. chapter twelve

** Alesha **

**_WHEN AMANDA TOLD ME_** that she didn't feel like a woman anymore because the doctors had taken away all of her breast tissue during the mastomecty, I knew I had to do something for her. When she was out of the house doing grocery shopping without me, I went to her doctor's.

I asked him if Amanda could get the reconstruction on her breasts sooner than the live shows of BGT. He said that it would be possible so I was able to change Amanda's surgery date to the Thursday before the first live show of BGT and she would go home on Monday to be able to do the first semi final the next day.

I knew that Amanda wanted the reconstruction badly and it was going to happen sooner than what she thought it would. The surgery for reconstruction wouldn't be in the second week of June anymore, it would be in the third week of May instead. I hoped that this would make Amanda happy so I went home from the hospital and made it home before Amanda got home with the groceries.

I got home from the hospital a couple of minutes before Amanda did and the kids were already getting off of the school bus at the bus stop. I picked Hollie, Lexi, and Azura up at the end of the road and brought them to the house.

Amanda pulled up in her car a couple of minutes later when I got into the house. She came in with a couple bag of groceries from her car and kissed me on the cheek after she put them onto the kitchen counter.

"I just did something that's going to make you so happy, babe," I announced as we both went out to get the rest of the other bags of groceries from her car.

"What'd you do, Alesha?" Amanda was eyeing me as she asked, trying to figure out what I had done for her as she grabbed a few bags.

"I'll tell you when we put the groceries away," I replied, smirking at Amanda while I went inside with the rest of the bags.

《h.d.》

I wrapped my arms around Amanda's waist while she was trying to put away the groceries.

"You know you're making this difficult, right?" She asked, a smile playing on her lips.

"Of course I do. Do you want to know what I did that will make you so happy?" I questioned her, leaning down so I could kiss her cheek as Amanda put the groceries she bought away.

"Yes; I want to know," Amanda replied.

"I asked your doctor if we could move the surgery date for your reconstruction to earlier and he said yes. You're going to have reconstruction done during the third week of May, babe," I spoke, a large smile on my face.

Amanda turned around and she had an equally large smile across her face. She kissed me passionately, her body pressed up against mine.

"Thank you!" She replied, kissing me again. "You were right about how happy that would make me!"

"Glad you're happy about it. Now you can be able to do the live shows like you had wanted instead of not doing them at all," I responded to her, kissing her back.

"We should go on a date to celebrate!" Amanda announced. "We could ask David to watch the kids for us."

"We should go out. We haven't been on a date out of the house in a while," I replied. "And now I can really treat you like the goddess you are, babe."

"I've already said that you don't have to do that, Alesha. A regular date will be fine," Amanda said, moving my arms off of her waist so she could continue putting away the groceries.

《h.d.》

We chose to go on the date that night and we were able to convince David to babysit our children at his house and they were going to be picked up by their fathers. David knew that Azura was a handful but Lexi could help him if he didn't know what to do if Azura had one of her meltdowns. He was willing to watch them, even after watching Azura have a meltdown when we had been doing deliberations back in March.

"Are you ready, baby?" Amanda asked me as I straightened the hem of my black dress.

Amanda was wearing an olive green dress and had her hair up in a simple pony tail. She looked beautiful in my mind and I wanted to just stay home and make love to her but I had to wait until Amanda was ready to do that again. She had filled out the breasts of her dress by wearing one of her bras from before the mastectomy and had stuffed it with tissues to make it appear as though she had breasts. It looked like she had already gotten reconstruction but it was more for her to feel confident with her new body while going on our date.

"Yes," I replied, turning around and she took me in her arms, kissing me gently. I kissed her back and she deepened the kiss for a little bit before breaking it off.

"Let's go," she said.

"I would rather stay here and snog you right now instead of going to dinner," I told her, a small smirk starting to form on my lips.

"You have to wait until bedtime to snog me silly, baby," Amanda replied with a laugh and she kissed me again. "I'm getting hungry."

Her stomach grumbled and I laughed, putting my arms around her body and pulling her closer to me.

"I know what you can eat," I joked to her, the smirk taking over my face.

Amanda laughed and replied, "I'm not going to eat you out, Alesha. Not yet at least. I don't know how."

"I can teach you," I responded, kissing her again. "You were a quick learner for the strap-on."

"Why are you so smutty today?" Amanda asked me, a smile spreading across her face as we kiss tenderly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I still don't have my phone but I'm getting it back on Friday and I'm sneaking this chapter update really quickly. For some reason Symphony isn't getting a chapter published and I keep hitting publish. Idk why it is but I'm keeping the authors note the same on it. It's just an old note.
> 
> What do you guys think is going to happen next? Thanks for reading and please comment what you loved about this chapter! Bye until the next chapter!


	14. chapter thirteen

**Amanda**

**_ALESHA LED ME UP_** to our room, her hand on my arse. Our date had ended and we had gotten home so that meant Alesha was going to treat me like a goddess in bed, like she had told me she would do. Alesha sat me down on the bed and she straddled my waist, sitting on top of me.

"Can we move so I'm not sitting down?" I asked her in between our kisses.

"Sure," Alesha responded and got off of my lap. I laid down in the center of the bed and that prompted Alesha to get back on me. She leaned down, her hair tickling my shoulders as we kissed.

I put my arms around Alesha as we kissed and I unzipped her dress. Alesha stopped kissing me and she slipped her dress off, dropping it to the floor as she kissed me again in just her bra and knickers. We kissed, our tongues starting to slip into each other's mouths.

We hadn't gone any further than this since my double mastectomy. It always ended up with Alesha being naked and I still left in my shirt or dress but with my knickers and pants on the floor. I hadn't let Alesha see the scars on my chest from when my breasts had been removed many times. She had only seen them a handful of times.

I wanted to go all the way with her again but I was starting to have second thoughts about it.

Alesha and I continued to kiss and I got Alesha off of me so I could sit up. Her hands went to the zipper of my olive coloured dress and stopped.

"Do you want to go all the way, Amanda?" She asked me, concern flashing though her eyes.

"I want to try," I replied, pulling my girlfriend into a kiss while she made quick work at my dress's zipper. I raised my arms up and she took the dress of of me. I was just in the bra that I had stuffed to make it appear that I had gotten reconstruction done and my black knickers.

Alesha pushed me down gently back onto our bed and we kissed once again. My hands wrapped around her back, clasping in the middle.

I really did want to try to go all the way and make love to Alesha but yet at the same time, I didn't feel sexy without breasts. She took the tissue out of the bra I was wearing and tossed it onto the floor. My bra had nothing in it now.

Alesha kissed down my neck and to my collar bone, sucking and licking at the skin there. It felt so good but Alesha wasn't making me feel as sexy as she did when I had breasts.

I took off Alesha's black bra while she was kissing my skin. I let out a soft moan as Alesha kissed my skin hard enough to leave a hickey on it. Alesha sat up and took her bra off the rest of the way to discard it on the floor next to the clothes that we had already abandoned.

Alesha got off my waist and she laid down. I knew what she wanted so I put myself into the same position that she had been on me. I leaned down and I captured her lips in a kiss.

While I kissed Alesha, my hands went to her breasts and I rubbed circles on on one of her nipples with my thumb. Alesha moaned and she arched her back with pleasure. Her hands went to my knickers and I allowed her to take them off of my legs so I was just in the bra I was wearing.

My thumb continued to rub Alesha's nipple as I kissed down to her collar bone, leaving hickeys on her skin. I got off of Alesha's lap and she took the opportunity to undress the rest of the way. We switched positions so I was sitting up and Alesha was sitting in my lap.

We started to kiss again as her fingers went to my bra clasp. I was still insecure about that area of me but I let her take the bra off of me. I still didn't feel sexy at all as Alesha made her way down to the scars, moving my arms from where I had crossed them to cover my chest.

"Stop. I can't do this. I don't feel sexy at all, Alesha," I spoke. "I can't do this. I'm sorry. I thought that I could but I can't."

Alesha took her body off of my lap and she sat beside me, pulling me into her embrace. "Don't apologize, Amanda. You could have told me sooner if you're feeling like this."

"I know and I should have," I replied, wiping away the tears that were already starting to form in my eyes. I let myself sink into her arms and she wiped away the tears.

"Don't you start crying on me, Amanda. I'm not going to have any less of a crush on you just because we can't make love. I still have a crush on you because I'm in love with you."

Alesha was in love with me, regardless of how I looked and that just made me burst into tears even more.

Alesha wiped them away with her finger and she started to sing softly, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey so please don't take my sunshine away."

"Why that song?" I asked her, wiping away my own tears.

"Because you're my sunshine, Amanda. You make me so happy. I've been singing it after everytime you fall asleep after you've been crying and while I'm holding you while you're sleeping," Alesha answered.

"That's so sweet, baby!" I said. I kissed Alesha more gently than we had been kissing before. "Can we just sleep naked like we are tonight and cuddle?"

"I would love if we could do that," Alesha replied. "I love you, Amanda."

I laid down underneath the covers and Alesha got under to hold me, her body pressed up against mine. I turned around and I put my head on her chest, a smile already starting to form on my face as the tears stopped.

"I love you too, Alesha," I said as we cuddled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I have my phone back and my dad's side of the family is over. I'm finally seeing my cousin that I haven't seen since like summer vacation. I have no idea what they are even talking about right now. It's something about squirrels and now it's somehow transitioned into presents.
> 
> Did you like this chapter? What did you like about it? Please comment what you loved about this chapter! What do you think is going to happen next? Bye until the next chapter!


	15. chapter fourteen

** Alesha **

" _ **DON'T YOU START CRYING**_ on me, Amanda. I'm not going to have any less of a crush on you just because we can't make love. I still have a crush on you because I'm in love with you."

I was in love with Amanda, regardless of how she looked and that just made her burst into tears even more.

I wiped them away with my finger and I started to sing softly, "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey so please don't take my sunshine away."

"Why that song?" Amanda asked me, wiping away her own tears with the back of her hand.

"Because you're my sunshine, Amanda. You make me so happy. I've been singing it after everytime you fall asleep after you've been crying and while I'm holding you while you're sleeping," I answered.

"That's so sweet, baby!" She said. Amanda kissed me more gently than we had been kissing before. "Can we just sleep naked like we are tonight and cuddle?"

"I would love if we could do that," I replied. Amanda laid down underneath the covers and i got under to hold her, my body pressed up against hers. She turned around and put her head on my chest, a smile already starting to form on her face as the tears stopped. "I love you, Amanda."

"I love you too, Alesha," she said as we cuddled.

We had said the phrase 'I love you' to each other for the first time. I had wanted to tell Amanda that I loved her for a while now but it was never the right time until tonight.

I started to hum another song as Amanda fell asleep and I hummed 'I'm Gonna Love You Through It' by Martina McBride to her. Amanda grinned when she heard the familiar song. We had been listening to it on repeat lately and I had been debating about quoting it to Amanda when I told her I loved her.

The song fit our relationship and what we were going through. I had been beside Amanda's side since the beginning of when we learned it was breast cancer. I was there for her during the double mastectomy when the doctors had to take more than what they planned. I had been there for each crying episode she had since the mastectomy and it broke my heart to see that Amanda wasn't feeling her usual sexy self because she didn't have breasts.

I held Amanda tightly as she fell asleep in my arms and I quickly fell asleep, holding her.

《h.d.》

When I woke up the next morning, Amanda and I had switched positions so we were spooning with her back against my breasts. Amanda had had a nightmare during the night so I comforted her when she woke up and we fell back asleep spooning. Amanda turned to face me while she slept and buried her head in between my breasts. I tried not to laugh as we often woke up like this if Amanda turned to face me while she slept.

I pushed Amanda's blonde hair away from her face and I kissed her forehead before I slipped out of bed and into our bathroom. I quickly turned on the shower and stepped in as soon as it was warm.

I could hear movement from the bedroom that we shared and knew Amanda was getting up and she came into the bathroom, entering the shower to join me.

"Morning babe," I said.

"Morning, baby. I loved your singing to me last night. Why don't you do it while I'm awake more often?" She asked me in reply.

"I can do it more if you would like me to," I responded to Amanda's question. I started to hum as I grabbed the body wash and washed myself, giving it to Amanda when I was done.

"Are you humming that song you sang to me last night?" Amanda asked me as she bent over to wash her legs.

"Yes. I've had it in my head ever since Azura was born. It's one of the only things that will calm her down when she's having a meltdown," I replied. "Lexi is the only other person who can calm her down completely."

"I might have to force her to babysit Azura and Hollie then when we go on more dates," Amanda joked. "She is twelve after all."

"That's when I started babysitting," I added in as I started to wash my hair. "But don't we want the house to be empty for when we come back from our dates?"

"Only after I get reconstruction," Amanda replied, "will I want the house to be empty after we come back from dates."

"Does that mean that you think that you'll feel sexy after the reconstruction is done?" I asked Amanda I as I rinsed out my hair while she started to shampoo hers.

"Probably. Do you think I'm sexy now without breasts?" Amanda asked as she rubbed the shampoo into her hair.

I came up to Amanda from behind and hugged her, my hands pulling her to me underneath the warm water coming from the shower.

"I think you're still sexy as hell, babe. Even with the scars. Those make you seem badass now because of what you've gone through," I replied as the shampoo started to run down Amanda's face from her hair. "I haven't stopped loving you since the mastomecty. If anything, seeing you go through that has only made my love for you grow stronger."

"You're too sweet to me sometimes, Alesha," Amanda joked, holding back a laugh as she rinsed her hair of the shampoo.

"I'm serious, Amanda. I love you and that's only grown stronger," I replied to her, nuzzling her neck and placing kisses on her cheek.

"I love you too, Alesha," she replied. "You're the best girlfriend in the world."

"That's stretching it," I joked. "I'm not the best girlfriend in the world but I have to agree that I'm a pretty good girlfriend to you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's a cute, fluffy chapter that shows how much Amanda and Alesha love each other. I seem to be rather good with fluff for these two, don't I? I'm thinking about possibly writing a sequel but I'm just toying with the idea of one. Maybe I'll just write a one shot.
> 
> What did you guys think of this chapter? What did you love? Did it make you cry? What do you think is going to happen next? Bye until the next chapter!


	16. chapter fifteen

**Amanda**

**_TODAY WAS THE DAY_** that I was going to have the breast reconstruction done on my chest. I hadn't been able to sleep the night before because of how excited I was for it to happen to me, thus I made Alesha not be able to sleep.

It was now after surgery and I was in the recovery room. Hollie, Azura, and Alesha were on their way to the room I was in so they could see me. Lexi couldn't see me on the day of the reconstruction because she had had a maths test and a science test that she couldn't miss school that day.

Lexi was going to be picked up by Alesha when school got out and Alesha would bring her to the hospital to see me.

"How do you feel now, babe?" Alesha asked as she came into the recovery room with Azura on her hip and Hollie walking by her side.

"Ask me in a couple of hours when the pain medication wears off," I joked, smiling at Alesha.

Hollie climbed into my bed and Alesha put Azura down beside me so she could sit down. Hollie and Azura cuddled up next to me, each girl putting her head on a shoulder.

"Show them what you can do now, 'Zura," Hollie urged.

Azura nodded her head and Alesha and I both looked at each other confused. Azura looked at Alesha and said, "mummy."

"She's talking!" Alesha said excitedly. Azura had been completely non-verbal from the age of two and hadn't spoken a word at all. She had barely even babbled as a baby.

She turned and looked at me before saying, "mama."

"Azura thinks she has two mums!" I said. Hollie beamed at Azura and I hugged her.

"I taught her the words," Hollie said proudly.

"You practically are her second mum, Amanda," Alesha said, giving me a hug.

《h.d.》

I couldn't wait to see what I looked like underneath the bandage that was covering my chest. I had decided not to have my nipples reconstructed because I would've gotten no pleasure from them if Alesha and I made love. The nipples would've only been on me for cosmetic purposes so there was no need for them.

I had to wait though to see what I looked like until I healed enough to take off the bandage. I was planning on making Alesha wait to see what I looked like until we could make love again. I felt good now that I had breasts again and Alesha knew that it made me happy to have them again.

"When can I see what you look like without the bandage?" Alesha inquired when we were outside looking at the stars outside the hospital in the gardens. The kids were running around and I was sitting in between Alesha's legs as she played with my hair.

"When we make love for the first time and I'm determined to actually do it with you," I replied, tilting my head back so I could look at Alesha.

"Do I have to wait that long?" Alesha complained, making a smile appear on my face.

"Yes, you do have to wait that long, baby," I responded. "I am going to make you wait. We just have to be careful when I'm cleared by my doctor to make love again to you."

"We haven't made love in a long time. Since early March, I think," Alesha reminded me. "I want to see you sprawled out in bed with me giving you pleasure."

"I know and it's because I haven't felt sexy at all since the mastomecty happened. It'll take time, Alesha, and you have to be patient," I told her.

"I know and I'm content just to have our snogging sessions right now because it still means that we can be intimate with each other," Alesha responded to what I had said.

Our snogging had increased after our first date since my double mastectomy had been done. Even though we hadn't been able to go all the way that night, we still had slept naked and cuddled. We had been snogging each night until I had gotten the reconstruction done this morning.

Alesha braided my hair and I let a chuckle as the girls chased each other around the trees in the garden.

"Have you got any pain right now?" Alesha asked me as she played with my hair.

"A little but it's tolerable. Although the pain meds are starting to wear off right now," I replied.

"Do you want to head back in to bed and get more of your medicine?" Alesha questioned me, letting go of the section of hair that she had been playing with.

"Not yet," I answered. "I want to stay out here for a little bit. Then you and the girls can bring me back in and say goodnight to me."

"You know I'm going to miss cuddling with you at night for the next few nights?" Alesha questioned. "But we can cuddle during the day while I'm here without the girls."

"I know because I'm going to miss having you in bed with me every night," I replied. "Only if you could spend the night here with me if we both didn't have children."

"I like sharing our kids. Lexi's a lifesaver with Azura," Alesha commented.

Alesha picked the section of hair that she had been playing with back up and she started to braid my hair, placing a kiss on my forehead.

We had been snogging each night until I got the reconstruction done. We had been more intimate with each other since we had gone on the first date since my double mastectomy had happened.

"Remember that Hollie and Lexi are being picked up by their father after school at the gate and Azura has a field trip tomorrow," I told Alesha. "I was supposed to be a chaperone but now you have to."

"Yes, mum," Alesha joked, laughing. "I'll remember and I'll chaperone for the field trip tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! How sweet is Alesha in this chapter? I love writing moments like these for Amanda and Alesha because they're moments that can happen to anyone in real life. I try to write real life situations for my fanfiction as well as possible.
> 
> What do you guys think Alesha's reaction is going to be to seeing Amanda's scars when the bandage is removed? What do you guys think is going to happen next? I'll give you a hint, it involves David and Simon. Bye until the next chapter!


	17. chapter sixteen

**Alesha**

_**DAVID AND SIMON CAME**_ into the hospital room, both blushing because of how Amanda and I were laying. She had only the bandages wrapped around her chest so it appeared as though she was naked and she had her head on my chest. I was in a crop top that had spaghetti straps that had fallen down to my arms so it also appeared as though I was naked because of Amanda's head on my chest.

"Are we interuppting something?" Simon asked as he and David paused at the door way to Amanda's hospital room.

"Not at all," Amanda replied, grinning from ear to ear.

"Liar!" I chastised. "Not true. We were snogging a couple of minutes ago."

Amanda blushed a scarlet red and her smile grew even larger.

"How much do you two snog?" David asked jokingly. Amanda and I had snogged often when the camera was off during deliberations, mainly when the boys had went to the bathroom. They found us in the green room sprawled across one of the couches and snogging each other passionately. Once they had seen that, I wasn't so secretive with my kisses for Amanda and neither was she. David and Simon had walked in on us once accidentally and we wanted it to stay at only one time.

"A lot," I replied. "We snog very often."

"And cuddle a lot," Amanda added in. "How have you two been doing? We haven't seen you in a while."

"Good. We want to talk to you about something," Simon answered.

"What?" Amanda asked as David and Simon sat down on the couch and from where I was next to Amanda, it appeared as though they were holding hands.

I didn't say anything to them about it but I raised my eyebrow at them and they both noticed that they were holding each other's hands.

"Simon and I are dating," David blurted out, his face turning a shade of red as he spoke.

"How long have you been together?" Amanda asked excitedly. She and I had both seen the signs that David and Simon were crushing on each other since I had started working on BGT. It was obvious with them that they liked each other romantically and it had been obvious at points that Amanda and I crushed on each other. It had been obvious all the time with the two men though. They were constantly winding each other up and David was often flirting with Simon. Amanda had told me she had even seen Simon ball up his hands whenever David flirted with someone who wasn't him. Simon was clearly possessive over David but then again, David was possessive over his Simon.

"Since deliberations were filmed," Simon answered the question.

"Who's top and who's bottom?" I cheekily asked them. This made their blushes deepen to an even darker shade of red.

"Should we even answer that?" Simon asked David.

David nodded his head and he spoke, "I'm top pretty often and Simon's usually bottom but we switch it up. How about you and Amanda, Alesha?"

I felt my cheeks heat up and Amanda answered, "I'm bottom most of the time and Alesha's top most of the time. Have you guys been intimate at all yet other than kissing?"

Both men blushed hard and chose to stay silent although that just told us the answer that Simon and David had shagged at least once since they started dating.

"Are you guys okay with David and I dating?" Simon asked after his blush had started to fade away.

"Yes. I think we both wanted you two to date finally," I replied.

"It was really obvious that you two had a crush on each other. Worse than how obvious it was for Alesha and I," Amanda commented.

"You guys were really obvious at times," Simon said. "David and I had a bet going on if you and Alesha would date, Mandy."

"A bet?" Amanda laughed. "Alesha and I had a bet going on if you two would finally admit your feelings for each other!"

"And now I owe my girlfriend the money we bet because she said you would date each other," I explained, telling what we had betted on when I first started on the BGT panel.

"And you were right, Amanda. I am dating my Simon finally," David replied to what Amanda had said and referenced to the fact she was right about our bet.

《h.d.》

After David and Simon left Amanda's hospital room after talking to us about them being a couple and the coming BUT live shows, we continued to cuddle.

"Now there's two gay couples on BGT. The one many people expected to happen and the other one, no one really expected," I said to Amanda, toying around with her hair.

"When will we come out to the public?" Amanda asked me. "During the final?"

"That sounds perfect. We can come out then and you'll come out to being bisexual at the same time," I replied, twisting pieces of her hair and then braiding them together.

"I want to come out to more people other than my mum, my daughters, my former husband and his wife, Azura, and David and Simon," Amanda said. "What would my mum think if I got remarried a woman?"

"I don't know what she would do. Her reaction could go either way. Are you already planning a future with me, Amanda?" I questioned her.

"Possibly," she said, blushing. "I just don't want to be engaged just yet though. I want to be your partner instead."

"I think that you're already my partner, babe. You're already living with me and so are Hollie and Lexi," I replied, stopping my playing with her hair and I pushed it back to kiss her forehead.

"When can we go on another date? This time, maybe with our kids during the night and watch the stars again like we did two nights ago?" Amanda asked, her eyes sparkling with the idea of going on date like we had done the night she had gotten the reconstruction done.

"We should do that again," I replied, kissing Amanda's forehead again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So now we know what I was hinting at last chapter that there was going to be something with David and Simon involved in. I had to have them dating because I ship them and I can see it happening if alemanda happened in real life and Simon didn't have a girlfriend.
> 
> I was tempted to intertwine this story with Symphony but by the time I had written that fanfic, I couldn't really change the details of it for this as I wanted Amanda to have reconstruction before the final. What do you think is going to happen next and what did you love about this chapter? Bye until the next chapter!


	18. chapter seventeen

** Amanda **

_**I WAS RELEASED FROM**_ the hospital a few days after my reconstruction and it was now the day of the first semi-final for Britain's got Talent. I couldn't figure out what I could wear because a lot of what I had figured I could wear showed off parts of the scars on my breasts. I wasn't going to wear the bandage around my chest so it wouldn't appear lumpy underneath whatever dress I chose.

I couldn't bear too much cleavage because of the scars and I didn't want to show off too little cleavage at the same time. That created a dilemma to what I could wear. I could wear the purple dress that showed off some cleavage and had cut outs along my sides that showed off skin and was tight fitting or I could wear the olive colour dress that I had worn on my first date with Alesha since the mastomecty had happened to me.

The olive color dress had a lace front and it was all silk fabric that fell to my knees. It was a beautiful dress but I had already worn it with Alesha and I didn't want to wear it quite yet with the reconstruction still extremely fresh.

I slipped into the purple dress and saw that it sagged a little where it shouldn't have been sagging at all. I had gotten the dress custom made for me but the last time I had tried it on, I had the breasts and nipples I had been born with. I would have to stuff the built in bra of the strapless dress so it would stay up on me and wouldn't fall down at all while I sat at the BGT desk.

I quickly stuffed the bra of the dress and sat down so my makeup team could do my makeup for me.

《h.d.》

I watched Alesha laugh wildly as a comedian preformed his comedy act. I loved it whenever Alesha laughed because of how her laugh sounded. She hated how it sounded but I loved it and I hated my laugh because of how it sounded like a cackle while Alesha loved it. If one of us was laughing hard, the other would always follow with laughing at the other person's laugh.

Most of the time it would be me laughing and I would let out a cackle so Alesha would start laughing and do her cute, funny laugh which would only make me laugh harder and her laugh harder as well.

The comedian was funny but his jokes were all ones that I had heard in my twelve years of doing Britain's got Talent. I liked him but he just wasn't a winner for me. He was one of the acts who Simon, David, Alesha, and I had all been divided over and we decided to put him through on the off chance he would be extremely funny.

David was laughing at the jokes the act was making and I began to chuckle. The jokes were cheesy but they were good even though I had heard them before. He put new spins onto them and then added acting into his comedy act.

《h.d.》

The rest of the first live semi-final passed quickly by and so did Britain's got More Talent. I went into my dressing room and took off my dress, putting it back onto the empty hanger on my dress rack.

I was tired from just doing one live show and I couldn't wait to just ride home with Alesha and cuddle in bed with her. I hadn't felt this tired after doing a live show since Hollie had been born six years ago.

I put the bandage back over the scars on my breasts because of how fresh they had been from reconstruction. I was only allowed to take off the bandage when I was showering and change into a softer one for sleeping, but my doctor had said that it would be fine if I didn't have the bandage on for a couple of hours each night during the live shows of BGT.

The scars across my breasts were still pink from reconstruction and the material of the built in bra of my dress rubbing up against them.

I put on my spare shirt and my shorts, and slipped on my trainers before going out of my dressing room with my phone in my hand.

"Ready to head home, babe?" Alesha asked me as I closed the door to my dressing room.

I yawned and replied, "yes. I'm getting ready for bed as soon as we get home."

"Can we cuddle tonight?" Alesha asked, wrapping her arms around my waist. "I need my cuddling. We missed so much of it while you were in the hospital."

"I know we did. And yes, we can cuddle tonight. You don't ever need to ask me because I'm always going to say yes," I answered. I took Alesha's arms off of me and she took her hand in mine.

"We haven't done much hand holding at all since we started dating," Alesha noted as we walked to her car after we quickly said good bye to David and Simon on our way out of the studio.

"Because we jumped right into snogging each other," I said. "It still is nice though to be holding hands."

We got into the car and Alesha replied, turning the car on, "I think your tiredness is starting to affect me."

"How?" I replied as Alesha yawned widely.

"You're making me yawn!" Alesha responded as she started to drive out of the studio parking lot.

"I'm making the night owl tired?" I asked, stifling my own yawn as I curled up in the passenger seat of Alesha's car.

"Yes and I'm not that bad of a night owl, Mandy," Alesha retorted. "Go to sleep, babe. I'll make sure that we get home in one piece and I'll wake you up when we do."

"Alright," I replied as I felt my eyes beginning to close and I fell asleep as Alesha drove home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry about not posting a chapter yesterday. I was way too busy that I forgot to until I had gone to bed and my phone was downstairs so I'm publishing a new chapter today. This chapter was so cute!
> 
> I love writing Amanda and Alesha in a relationship because they're so cute. What do you think is going to happen next and what did you love about this chapter? Bye until the next chapter!


	19. chapter eighteen

**Alesha**

_**AMANDA'S HAND WENT UP**_ to her mouth as she watched the video that I had planned and Simon had gotten the BGT editors to make. It was a video about her journey with breast cancer and she hadn't realized I had been making it since she had gone in for her mastomecty.

She was watching herself be shown in pictures and videos of her talking about the progress she was making towards remission. She was done with treatments in the video and pictures were shown of the scars across where her breasts had been were showing healing slowly. Then she came onto the screen from a Twitter video announcing she was going to continue doing BGT because her surgery date for reconstruction had been moved up from the date it had been in June.

I saw the tears starting to fall from Amanda's eyes but I couldn't do anything to try to comfort her to stop crying as she watched the video because we still had to come out of the closet as a couple.

When Amanda had been gone at a doctor's appointment, I had quickly filmed a love message to her to have put at the end of the video that told the public about our relationship. That video was now showing and I saw Amanda's tears go down her face even faster than they had been before.

"I love you, Amanda," the video concluded with me saying, "and I'm so happy that you're my girlfriend."

Amanda stood up and she promptly hugged me saying, "Alesha! Why didn't you tell me about this?"

"I wanted it to be a surprise for you because of how strong you've been and I got that last part of the video in yesterday so we could come out," I replied, pulling Amanda into my lap.

"Amanda, any words on the video?" Dec asked and he and Ant came back up on stage.

"I'm speechless. I didn't think my girlfriend would do that type of thing for me," she replied. Amanda kissed my lips, the first display of affection we had after coming out to the public. I kissed her back gently and put my arms around her body as she sat on me.

"How long have you two been together now?" Ant asked, his eyebrow raising at our kiss.

"Since February," I responded.

"Alesha, are David and I allowed to tell you and Amanda to get a room like you and Amanda tell us sometimes when we fight?" Simon inquired cheekily.

Amanda and I both laughed and nodded our heads to answer Simon's cheeky question.

"Yes, you can tell us that because we tell you two it," Amanda answered jokingly.

We constantly told David and Simon to get a room whenever they fought with each other and David was acting camp. Now they finally had gotten a room, Simon's bedroom apparently for their first time shagging. David and Simon could now tell Amanda and I to get a room whenever we butted heads over something and we normally agreed on most things.

"How often can we tell you it? Whenever we see you two snogging?" David asked just as cheekily as Simon had asked his question.

Amanda and I rolled our eyes, and I replied, "yes but not all the time whenever you see us kissing. Only when we are deeply snogging."

I shifted my weight in my seat, putting both of my legs onto the seat so I was in a more comfortable sitting position with Amanda on my lap.

"How often are we going to see this sight or is Simon going to have to separate you two for next season?" Dec interjected.

"Very often next season so I'm not going to be surprised if we have to have someone separating us," Amanda replied. "Are you going to put us on different sides of the panel so David is sitting next to you?"

"Possibly," Simon replied mischeviously. "Only if David can behave sitting by me."

"No promises on that," David said, getting up from his seat and then sitting where Amanda had been while she had watched the video before getting up to hug me after. David rolled Amanda's chair over to Simon and them stared at him lovingly.

"Simon, how much talent has this season had and who do you think can win?" Ant asked, trying to steer the topic back to the Britain's got Talent final.

"I can't do this with this thing here!" Simon laughed trying not to stare at David who was starting to pull funny faces at Simon as he looked at Simon. "But the talent has been amazing and I think my golden buzzer will win of course."

"Alesha, who do you think will win this year?" Dec questioned.

"My golden buzzer," I replied. "She's an amazing little singer and she deserves it."

"Amanda, how has this season been for you and finding out you had breast cancer during the season?" Dec asked, he and Ant coming down from the stage to the judges' desk.

"This season has been one of the best that I've ever done and I actually almost didn't do the live shows until Alesha got my reconstruction date fro my breasts moved up from when it had been in June," Amanda replied, kissing me on the cheek. She then added, "this season has been one of the best because it's the season where I found my girlfriend and couldn't be happier with her."

"How sweet is that?" Ant asked. "How much fun have you had with Amanda being your girlfriend, Alesha?"

"Its been amazing and I love Amanda. We've had so much fun together being a couple and sharing our children. Her daughter, Lexi, is amazing with my daughter," I responded. "I love Amanda so much."

I hugged Amanda again as she sat on my lap and put my arms tighter around her body. I rested my head on top of her shoulder and she leaned her head against mine.

"I love you too, Alesha," she said to me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm getting ready to wrap this up sometime soon. I believe that there is only a few chapters left before the end comes. I debating about doing a one shot sequel for these two cuties.
> 
> How good is Alesha as a girlfriend? I wish she and Amanda would really be a couple in real life because that would be amazing! What do you think is going to happen next? What did you like about this chapter? Bye until the next chapter!


	20. chapter nineteen

** Amanda **

_**I PUT ON THE**_ olive coloured lingerie I had bought for tonight. I had been cleared to have sexual intercourse by doctor the day before and I hadn't told Alesha because I had wanted it to be a surprise.

I truly felt sexy now because I had regained what I had lost to breast cancer. I had let Alesha know by the passion that went with my kisses to her when we were snogging at night when BGT had finished the final two weeks ago.

"Alesha," I said, coming out of the bathroom door and stopping at the doorway. She looked up from her book and her jaw dropped.

"Are you really wearing that, Amanda?" She asked.

"Yes, because I feel sexy," I replied, getting into bed and crawling on top of Alesha as she put her book onto her nightstand.

"We have to do something about that then," Alesha said, smirking at me and kissing me deeply.

"I want to make love to you, Alesha," I announced, kissing her back just as deeply and passionately.

"Let's make love then," she replied, her hands already going to the knickers of the lingerie. I let her pull them off of my legs and I got underneath the covers of the bed.

We kissed as I pressed my body against Alesha, our breasts touching. Alesha pulled off her pyjama top and I saw that she wasn't wearing a bra at all. I smirked as I went to her collar bone and began to kiss it, making a small moan escape from Alesha's mouth.

I left hickeys all along her collar bone and began to kiss in between her breasts, my hair tickling her nipples. Alesha moaned again and she flipped us so I was on the bottom. She kissed my lips and then trailed down to my neck, biting at the skin gently.

I moaned and squirmed, anxious for Alesha to kiss lower on my body. She began to nip and kiss at my collar bone, leaving just as many hickeys as I had left on her collar bone. Her hands went to the hem of the top of the lingerie and she pulled it off me, her eyes going to my breasts.

"You didn't get your nipples reconstructed?" She asked in between kisses down towards my breasts and she kissed around the scars gently.

"No, it would've only been for cosmetic purposes," I said, making a confused face appear. I wasn't feeling anything by the scars but I was feeling Alesha's lips and tongue below my breasts and around the sides of them.

"What's wrong?" She asked when she saw my expression.

"I don't feel anything on my breasts when you're kissing them," I replied, "and I know that my doctor did say that I probably wouldn't have any feeling in them."

"We can figure out other ways to pleasure you, babe," Alesha replied, kicking off her pyjama pants and knickers so we were both naked. She turned around so she was looking at my privates and she spread my legs.

I knew what Alesha was going to do so I began to kiss at her inner thighs, working my way towards her vagina's lips. Alesha kissed around my vagina and I let out a moan. She moaned when I licked at her vagina and she squirmed her hips as she tried to lick me.

I grabbed the vibrator from inside of my nightstand, turning it on and placing it inside of Alesha's vagina. She moaned and I began to pump it, still kissing at Alesha's vagina's lips.

I moaned when she inserted two fingers into me and began to pump them quickly. She kissed at my clit and I let out a louder moan as I began to kiss Alesha's clit. She moaned and squirmed her hips again as I pumped the vibrator faster and turned it to a higher setting.

Alesha's tongue flicked out and she licked my clit as she pumped her fingers within me and made me moan. I bit my lip, desperate not to moan loudly because our children were sleeping in the house. I kissed Alesha's inner thigh again as I continued to pump the vibrator, making Alesha groan with pleasure.

Alesha moaned again as I pumped the vibrator even faster and I knew that she was close to climaxing. I slowed down the pace of the pumping and Alesha's fingers were still pumping quickly within me as she kissed my clit again, her tongue flicking out over it.

I moaned and my hips bucked as Alesha continued to pump her fingers and I restarted to pump the vibrator. We both moaned and Alesha groaned out my name with pleasure as she hit her climax. I turned off the vibrator and pulled it out of her, placing it on the nightstand.

I felt my vagina's walls clench around Alesha's fingers and I moaned Alesha's name with pleasure as I climaxed. She took her fingers out of me and turned around so we were both in the same direction.

I rested my head on Alesha's chest and we intertwined our fingers as we kissed gently, me tipping my head up so I could reach Alesha's lips.

I rested my head on Alesha's chest and we intertwined our fingers as we kissed gently, me tipping my head up so I could reach Alesha's lips.

"You make me finish so quickly," Alesha commented as we rested and she pulled the bedsheets up to cover both of us in case either her daughter or my daughters came into our room.

"That's because I use toys with you because I don't want to wake up with extremely sore wrists from trying to make you climax," I replied. "You make me finish quickly too."

"You're easy to get to climax," Alesha retorted. "We can go longer when you're ready and we both don't get tired after climaxing only once."

Alesha brought her hand to my breasts and her fingers ghosted over the scars on the sides of my breasts. She touched one gently and then kissed me as she wrapped an arm around me, pulling me close to her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! We finally have a sex scene between Amanda and Alesha! I think I should write another one with them because there's just two chapters left now. I've really enjoyed writing the chemistry between these two.
> 
> Do you guys like this chapter? What do you think is going to happen next and what did you love about this chapter? Bye until the next chapter!


	21. chapter twenty

**Alesha**

**_I STARTED_** ** _TO_** ** _HUM_** what we had considered our song after we had made love for the first time since Amanda had her mastomecty. Amanda had her head resting on my chest and we were holding hands.

"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are grey so please don't take my sunshine away," I sang to her as I kissed her forehead while Amanda tried to sleep.

"Alesha?" Amanda asked, her eyes opening from not being able to sleep.

"What is it, babe?" I asked, kissing Amanda's forehead again.

"Do you love me even with all the scars and no nipples?" Amanda blurted out as she fought the urge to cover her chest with the bedsheets.

"Yes, I love you immensley even with the scars and the fact that you don't have nipples anymore. Love isn't about physical beauty but it's about inner beauty," I answered Amanda's question. "Does that answer your question?"

"Yes; it does. I love you so much, Alesha," She replied, pulling the bed sheets down to expose both of our breasts and then adjusted it so it covered my nipples.

"I love you too, Amanda," I replied, kissing her lips gently.

《h.d.》

I woke Amanda up by kissing her lips and rubbing my thumb underneath her breast, causing a soft moan to slip out of Amanda's lips as she awoke.

"Morning, babe," I said, kissing her again.

"Morning, baby," she responded. "I'm going to go get a shower. You can join me if you want."

"I will," I replied, smirking.

"I know what you're thinking from that smirk and no, we aren't not going to shag in the shower. It's not safe," Amanda reprimanded, chuckling as she got out of bed and went into the bathroom.

I watched her arse as she walked to the bathroom and then quickly followed her into the bathroom and caught her in a hug, putting my arms around her waist as she waited for the water to heat up enough.

"Do you want me or something now because we've started making love again to each other?" Amanda asked laughing.

"Yes," I replied, "but I always want you, Amanda."

I kissed down Amanda's neck and kissed where her neck met her shoulder. Amanda's shoulders went up when I kissed her there and she detached herself from my arms.

"You have to wait until tonight if you want to have me," Amanda said cheekily as she got into the shower with me following her closely behind.

The warm water hit my back and I got the body wash before Amanda did. I squirted some into my hands and I hugged Amanda again, my hands going to her breasts and I began to wash them gently.

"What did I just say, Alesha?" Amanda warned. "You can't have me again until tonight."

"I am going to wait until tonight. I'm just washing you," I replied, my hands going lower on Amanda's body to wash her hips.

"Fine," Amanda responded, giving into me washing her although I hadn't had to do it since she could move her arms above her head after the mastectomy when she had recovered.

I stayed away from in between Amanda's legs as I washed her but I still pressed my breasts against her back as I washed her thighs. Amanda let out another soft moan as I washed her, making me chuckle.

I stopped washing her when I had reached her feet and Amanda took the body wash off the shelf, sweeping some of it into her hands. She put her hands on my breasts, her fingers already going to my nipples and rubbing them in circles.

"Not fair," I complained as I moaned. "You can't do that while you're washing me."

"Fine," Amanda said, rolling her eyes and her hands went to my stomach and rubbed it as she put her head against my shoulder. Her hands went even lower a minute later and she washed my hips.

I moaned again as Amanda's hand darted in between my thighs quickly as she washed by hips and then she knelt down on the shower floor.

She washed my legs as quickly as she could and then returned up to my level, kissing me when she stood up.

"How long do we have to stay in here while the children are asleep still?" She asked, kissing me again while I kissed her back.

"At least ten minutes for Azura to stay asleep," I replied, deepening our kiss. My hands went to the small of Amanda's back and I pulled her closer to me so our breasts were pressed together, my nipples touching her scars.

"I want to snog," Amanda said, in between the kisses she placed on my lips.

"I can tell," I laughed, kissing her back and spinning us around so we were both in the warm spray of the shower water.

We kissed again and we heard feet running downstairs as we snogged.

"Sounds like a child is awake," I mentioned. Amanda turned the water off and she handed me a towel.

"That means we have to get out," she replied, drying herself off with a towel. She deliberately leaned over enough that I could see her privates as she dried herself.

"You're a tease," I commented, trying myself off with the towel that Amanda had handed me. I wrapped it underneath my armpits and I got out of the shower. Amanda did the same and we returned to our bedroom.

Amanda put on a sports bra as she was no longer wearing the bandage around her chest and a pair of knickers. I put on an old, comfortable bra and knickers.

I put on a pair of jean shorts and a white shirt. A quick, simple outfit was all I needed for today. I tossed my hair into a ponytail, not wanting to deal with it until the afternoon when I had to wash it.

Amanda put on a pair of sweat shorts that came dangerously close to exposing part of her arse. She put on a old black shirt and brushed her hair, pulling it into a messy bun.

"You know how much of a tease you are, wearing those shorts, babe?" I asked her.

"'Course I do. That's why I wear them, baby."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I'm so tired right now that I didn't want to publish a new chapter but I didn't want to let you guys down because I know that you like this. I'm debating about making a Christmas oneshot for this story and I don't know if I should or not because I'm already going to be publishing something new on Christmas eve for you guys. Should I make a oneshot for these two?
> 
> What did you like about this chapter? What do you think is going to happen in the last chapter? Next chapter is the last one in this book. Bye until the next chapter!


	22. Chapter 22

** Amanda **

" _ **ALESHA, I WANT TO**_ do something that covers up my scars," I said as we cuddled in bed a month after we made love for the first time since my double mastectomy.

"Like what?" She asked me in reply.

"I want to get a tattoo that covers one of them," I responded.

"Where will you place it though?" She asked, her hand trailing down to my stomach and then resting there as we laid in bed. "And what will it be?"

"It'll be right here and go upwards," I replied, lifting my pyjama shirt to show off my breasts and marked out the trail it would follow from where my left nipple had been to underneath my collar bone. "And I want it to be four sunflowers."

"Why sunflowers?" Alesha inquired as I pulled my pyjama shirt back down.

"Because you're always singing that sun song to me and sunflowers symbolize the sun so I always want that on me and four sunflowers for my family. One for you on my nipple, close to my heart because of how much I love you, one for Lexi, one for Hollie, and one for Azura," I exolained. I had thought it all out and I wanted to get the tattoo because of how meaningful it was.

"Maybe I'll get one on my breast or somewhere near it that shows how much I love you too," Alesha said.

"Do it if you really want it," I encouraged her.

《h.d.》

My sweatshirt was unzipped, exposing my bare breast to the tattoo artist as she put the first sunflower on me, exactly where my left nipple had been and where I had a large scar.

Alesha had gone to get her tattoo done yesterday and she told me where she had put it. Alesha had gotten her tattoo just underneath her breast but I didn't know what it was of because she wanted to show me it when mine was completely healed.

The reason why I was getting my tattoo was not because I wanted to cover up my scars but to show were I was now and where I had been when I had breast cancer. The tattoo already meant so much to me and it wasn't done. I still had to get the three other sunflowers tattoo onto my chest.

I looked at what the tattoo artist was drawing onto my skin and she had already finished the outline of the first sunflower and was working on the second one that would be above the one where my nipple had been. Already I was in love with the tattoo and it wasn't completed yet.

The outline of the sunflower was beautiful and dark coloured with a black ink. There were crosshatches where my nipples had been exactly and the petals were where my areola had been.

It was beautiful to me and it wasn't coloured yet.

It wasn't that painful to the tattoo as Alesha had said it would be but she also had a low pain tolerance except when she gave birth to her daughter Azura.

Azura had been born naturally and at home because of how quickly Alesha went into labour and felt her already starting to emerge when her boyfriend at the time was trying to call the midwife to tell her that Alesha was in labour. Azura's birth had been completely unplanned to be natural as Alesha had wanted to get an epidural but that didn't happen with the speed of her labour.

Alesha was still brought to the hospital after Azura was born and I was one of the first to go visit her. She had been one of the first after the ordeal I went through trying to give birth to my daughter Hollie.

We both hadn't realized that we already loved each other then but now we did.

I loved Alesha so much and I knew that I wanted to marry her someday but I didn't know when or how I would. It would just be funny if we proposed to each other in unison like we had asked each other to be each other's girlfriend.

I looked at my tattoo again and the tattoo artist was just finishing the outline of the second flower and starting on the third. I hadn't realized my tattoo would be so quick but it still had to be coloured and the fourth one had to be inked onto my skin.

《h.d.》

"I want to see the tattoo, Alesha," I begged a week after my tattoo had been completed. The tattoo on my left breast was beautiful and I loved what it stood for to me. I had already shown it to Alesha as soon as I could take the bandage that kept out infection off.

"I'll show it to you," she replied. Alesha took off her shirt and then unclipped her bra but didn't take it off. She glanced at me and I knew what she wanted me to do. Alesha wanted me to take her white bra off of her so I did.

Her nipples stood erect as the air hit them, a trait Alesha hated. Before my mastomecty, mine had been like that when I had nipples and they would be erect if it was just cold in the room and I wasn't wearing a bra with my outfit.

"Read what the tattoo says," Alesha told me. She lifted her breast up and I read the tattoo that was underneath her breast.

It read, 'i'm gonna love you through it,' and there was a pink ribbon at the end of the phrase.

"Alesha, did you really get this for me because of what I went through?" I asked her, looking her in the eyes.

"Yes I did because I love you, Amanda, and I've loved you through everything that you've gone through during the past five months we've been a couple," she replied, her lips kissing mine gently. "And I'm going to keep loving you through it."

"I love you too, Alesha," I replied quietly and our foreheads touched as she grabbed my waist and pulled me close to her and into a deep kiss.

**THE** **END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I ran out of time in the day yesterday to write an author's note and publish the last chapter. I hope that you guys like the ending of this fanfic! I enjoyed writing it so much and it was so much fun to write. CallMeMatthias put up with me again babbling on about this fanfic and you still need to read it!
> 
> Thank you, you guys, for commenting and reading this fanfic. It means so much to me that I make people happy with my writing. Please comment and tell me what you loved about this chapter and the fanfic in general. Bye until the next fanfic.


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